Lo que nos une

I think that there is commonality among most cultures concerning what people hope for or value. I have noticed that in Spanish culture, they intensely value time spent with their loved ones, eating good food, and having a roof over their heads. I started thinking about it, and realized that there probably aren’t many people in the world who don’t value these things. It really is just the way in which it manifests itself. For example, in comparison with my family in the United States, my host family appears to spend a great deal more time together. Although both groups value family time, the Spanish family appears to actually practice it more often. Also, there is the difference of what we mean when we say family. My American family thinks of family time in terms of our immediate family, whereas in Spain family time may include distant relatives. My host mother spends a great deal of time on the phone talking to her siblings and their families, and even more time at her in-laws’ apartment down the street. I’ve heard her complain once or twice about the things that she goes through trying to help them or just being there listening to people’s problems, but no more than once or twice. I think from an American perspective we would say that she is wasting time fulfilling silly obligations and not doing things for herself. I often think that it’s an unfair situation, but then I can see it from her perspective as well. Here is where I’ve observed the great divide between Spanish communalism and American individualism. My host mom feels that she is part of a bigger group of people – her family – and that her destiny is inextricably linked with theirs, for better or for worse. She could never just stop doing what she does and simply leave it all behind because then she would fall like a petal from a flower and what would she be? My host mom does not see what she does as an obligation, but rather as just a natural part of life. To me, it is unnatural to think this way, as it is to many Americans. I find it incredibly interesting, because I realize that if I had never left the United States, I would always assume that the most important aspect of life is personal accomplishment. I would continue to consider that being a caring person who is always there for you is a wonderful quality, but that it never could be at the same level as the quality of putting yourself first. We run around like chickens with our heads cut off, trying to do things for ourselves, pushing each other out of the way, because God forbid, we would be wasting our precious time if we had to sit and listen to an old woman telling a story and trying to remember the name of so-and-so who did this-and-that.
I’m not saying that personal accomplishment is something to be downgraded. What I’m saying is that too often it puts us in the position of disregarding the value of being a caring person. I won’t say that one way of life is better than another, but I will say that I admire the idea of people growing with, and because of, the people around them, rather than pursuing a narrow-minded track of personal glory. What I really want to take away from this is that the life of some successful corporate CEO is no better or worse than the life of a stay-at-home Spanish mom who cooks, cleans, and always has a minute to sit and have a café con leche and listen to your problems.